Should I Stay or Should I Go? Help Me Please!

I need a little advice from you.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for just over 2 years now. His parents just let him know that they will be coming to visit, from China, in early summer for 2 months. He came out to his parents just before we moved in together. I have assumed this whole time that they knew we were living together but it turns out they do not know. He has sort of suggested that I could move out for two months while they visit so that it is easier on his parents and well in turn easier on his own emotions. I feel like I am stuck in a really difficult situation. Part of me wants to say sure honey I will find somewhere to stay for a few month, but the other part is saying, No I am staying wet have built a life together and it is time you man up and tell your parents that we live together. I mean we have spent the last year renovating a home together we have adopted a cat and a dog together we have built a pretty kick ass life with each other.

If I were a person of the opposite sex that his parents did not like would I be asked to leave? No probably not there are a ton of couples whose partners parents do not like their son or daughters partners. Some how they all learn to at least tolerate each other.

I do understand though that their is a major difference between Chinese and Canadian culture when it comes to Same Sex relationships.

So I guess you have enough to go on from me. Do what do you think I should do. Should I leave for the two months or should I stay?

Oh Captain My Captain

“Oh Captain my Captain” was a quote I came to know from the movie Dead Poets Society. Robin Williams you truly were a captain for so many.

I was blown away today when I, like so many, heard the news of the passing of Robin Williams. Every movie I watched of his since I was a kid came rushing back in to my head. I was one of the lucky people that was born in to a world with Robin Williams on the big screen. He was a part of my life at so many moments.

I remember as a kid watching the movie Good Morning Vietnam over and over and over. He brought such a enthusiasm to the screen!  He was so full of life his character was exactly who I wanted to be when I was a grown-up.

Good Morning Vietnam Robin Williams
Good Morning Vietnam Robin Williams

I really thought that Robin Williams was like he was in the movies in real life. It was easier to imagine him as this happy go lucky guy who never had a problem or care in the world, a person who lived to make us laugh till we peed our pants. Then I started to see myself what people like him and I were really like. I would go to school and be the class clown, make everyone laugh and just really act the fool. No one would have ever guessed that I was hurting so bad on the inside. When I left school I went home to an abusive house hold everyday. Getting hit for the littlest thing, always being scared, on top of that I was just starting to realize that I was gay and worst of all the feeling of being unloved. School was an outlet to feel like I was someone else. I became an actor in a sense and I have really kept it up my entire life.

I think Robin Williams suicide has affected me so much because I am so much like him. Making people laugh and be happy and even when I am feeling really down I never tell anyone I mask it with a smile I make it seem like nothing is wrong.

Comedian and friend Kathleen McGee put it perfect in her latest face book post:

Kathleen McGee

“I found myself crying on the skytrain when I heard the news. A little shocked that this affected me so much. I, like pretty much everyone I knew grew up loving Robin Williams. He had a career that any comedian would dream of. I feel like his career is what many of us are striving for. Robin was loved by so many people and it still didn’t stop his depression from taking over. That scares me. I’ve struggled my whole life with depression and the feeling that no one loves, cares or even likes me (even though I know that’s not true.) I keep thinking if I get more work and things that I’ve wanted out of this career that it will make everything better. When something like this happens to someone like him it just makes you realize that this disease is ruthless. That sometimes you can be so strong on the outside but so scared on the inside. That you can have everything you ever dreamed of but still feel alone. If you feel sad don’t just brush it under the table. Talk to someone, get help. Never be ashamed.” – Kathleen McGee

When will we finally start talking about depression and other forms of mental illness. We have lost so many wonderful people to depression both famous as well as our friends and family. We have all been touched by depression in one way or another. We need to start talking to each other when we hurt, we need to show empathy to others so that they feel worth and loved. We need to Validate one another so we all feel our importance in life.

I am on a pill that is used to help with depression and mood swings. I wish I would have gone on it years ago it has changed my life for the better that is for sure. I used to think like so many others that I don’t need to take something to make me feel good I can deal with it on my own, if that was true then why was I like that for so long? Sometimes we just need a little help. If you had cancer would you pass up on radiation and say you could do it yourself? If you had schizophrenia you would need to take pills to keep it at bay. Be honest with yourself you sometimes you can’t just wish something away, sometimes we just need help.

When people like Robin Williams Die from something like addiction and depression it gives us all a chance to talk, so lets talk. If you have been through depression help someone going through it now. If you are going through depression now reach out to someone for help.



Car Problems before Trip

Well guess what we are headed out on a road trip and guess what happens the day before we are going to leave? That’s right the car went haywire.

Last Saturday we took the car in for a oil change and check up so it would be good for the trip. Of coarse like usual when you bring the car in to the shop there is always more on the list of things to do than you brought it in for. So we forked out the $700 for the Oil Change, Tire Switch over, new AC Belt, and left side axle. Obviously we wanted the car to be in good condition for the trip so as much as it hurt to fork out the cash we knew that it was for a good cause.

Yesterday the Heat was unbearable here in Edmonton. Around 5pm it was almost 40C with the humidity. I was driving the car down Fort Road going past Century Casino when all of a sudden my temperature light turned on, then I could see the temperature gauge climbing rather fast till it reached the top. When it reached the top I was luckily able to pull over to the Canadian Tire and have them look at it. So another $500 later and a new thermostat and a coolant flush I think the car might actually this time be ready for the trip (fingers Crossed)

Anyway Can’t wait to share pictures and stories from the trip with you.

Blog a Day Starts This Friday.

The Mist of The Mountains
The Mist of The Mountains

Well I figure it is time to start my blog a day challenge and what better way than to chronicle my trip to Salt Spring Island British Columbia. So starting this Friday you are going to get a blog a day from me and by you I mean the 10 or so people that actually read this lol. 

So originally we were supposed to be going to the Osheaga music festival in Montreal. I was really excited about going to the festival, it would have been my first trip to eastern Canada. Unfortunately my Grandma has become sick so we sold our tickets and decided to take a road trip out to the west coast to see her instead, of coarse family always comes first. 

I am actually kind of happy that we will be going to the West Coast anyway, especially Salt Spring Island, I always feel so relaxed there. I opened my business 2 years ago now and it has been go go go ever since and it will be nice to go on a trip where I actually get to relax. I have been to Vegas a few times for trade shows but I never feel relaxed after those trips mostly because well, Its VEGAS.

So starting this Friday night I will start chronicling my trip and all of the experiences I have on it.


Why Do 30 Year Old Lesbians Dress Like 16 Year Old Boys from the 90’s?

This is the question that has been on my mind for a while, so I am hoping someone out there can help me with it, Why do some lesbians clearly in their 30’s still dress like 16 year old boys? Here is a picture in case you don’t know what I mean. 


I guess each person is entitled to their own sense of style and expression. It seems to me however that the lesbians who dress like this are in a time-stand-still. They are no different than the lady that still styles up her hair like she is going to her high school grad in the 80’s.

80's Hair

Now if your young and you want to seem more like the “Masculine” one in the relationship I can see why this style would be appealing to you although I don’t think this style is in at all anymore. All I am saying is that maybe its time time update your style and get out of times past. Stop cutting your hair super short and dying it platinum blonde with ice spike styling glue to make sure that shit always stays in place. Stop wearing the super baggy jeans of a rapper and unless you are going camping or chilling around the house get rid of the sweat shirt hoddie. If you are reading this and getting upset over what I am writing then it is you that I am talking to. Time to grow up and start acting like the successful, attractive, lesbian woman that you are. If you are trying to be more masculine let me tell you not even straight guys dress like this anymore.

Now I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but really your fashion has come and gone and if you still have it, well its time for it to go.



Palestine and Israel: Will There Ever Be Peace?

Now I just want to say that I am in no way an expert on the Israel-Palestine conflict, hell I barely have a grasp on what is going on there. I do however know that for my entire life every year or two there seems to be a huge explosion in brutal violence there. The images that I have been seeing online are atrocious. Children and families being ripped apart by Israeli bombs it’s sickening. I can not imagine having to live through such horrors on a daily basis or for that matter ever.

I have been lucky to grow up in a country like Canada. Canada is for the most part a relatively peaceful place. If there is ever a conflict, like Afghanistan, it is always so far off our shores that we don’t really have to worry about it all too much (even though we should).

Canadians come from every part of the world, besides the First Nations people, we are all immigrants to this land. We have come here to escape poverty, war, to settle a new land and most of all to make a better life for ourselves and for future generations. What has always amazed me about places like Canada is that people for the most part get along. We have every race, religion, ethnic and sexual minority group on the planet living in one place side by side working to build a better future and whether we realize it or not we are all doing it together.

This brings me back to Palestine and Israel Why is it that they can not just live together. I know what some of you are going to say, “It’s Israel’s Fault.” Meanwhile the other half of you will say, “It’s Palestine’s Fault.” Now we can go back in history and pick apart who has the rightful claim to the lands and who should be living where, but unfortunately that is never going to bring peace to the region.

I really think we need to start focusing on how we can live together in peace. Is there really any reason the Israelis and the Palestinians can not just live together? Both sides probably want the same thing (When I say both sides I mean the people not the governments). Both sides want Peace, Security, Jobs, Education, Health, Families, Friends and Love. They don’t have to agree with everything their neighbor thinks but that does not mean they can not work together. If I don’t agree with a co-worker I do not bomb or kill him; I work with him. Canada would be a perfect example of how people of differing beliefs can work together and live together with out killing one another. I know we are not perfect we have racism and hate crimes and things like that but those events are far less than the amount we actually work together as a people.

I hope that one day the people of both lands will find peace with one another and form a nation of Palestinians and Israelis living and working together in peace

Jealousy Am I Over It?

Well something interesting happened to me this past weekend. Another man tried to kiss my boyfriend and it did not make me jealous. I think this is the first time that has happened to me.

My boyfriend and I were invited over to a mutual friends house this past weekend for a BBQ. It was a scorcher that evening so the gathering was taking place in the garage so we could stay out of the heat. I decided that I would stay sober for the evening and drive so that my boyfriend and I would not have to shell out to catch a cab home.  There was 7 of us at the party 2 straight couples, my boyfriend and I and a very cute guy whom I had previously never met.

Things were going great, well except for the fact that I was the only one that could not speak or understand Mandarin. Two of the people there were linguistics majors so there was a lot of talk about langue and being a single language English speaker I was kind of left out of the conversation, well at least until the liquor started flowing. Man did I ever want a drink seeing all of these people drunk around me, although my fun came out of watching all the drunk people around me ( I of coarse am never like that when I am drunk lol)

So anyway as the new guy got drunker and drunker he became more and more open about his sexuality. Apparently no one there until that night was even aware that he was gay. Funny how when you stick a closeted gay with some other gays they always seem to come out. Well I guess it is not funny just normal. So as New Guy drank more and more he would make off handed comments like “I am so horny, I would do anyone right now.” In my head all I am thinking is, good for you buddy, or maybe it was more like Man if I was single I would be all over that. So closer to when we are going to go New Guy keeps telling me how sexy my legs are, then out of no where he bends over and kisses my knee. Man drunk people really are hilarious.

My boyfriend is standing next to New Guy enjoying his beverage when out of know where he leans in to kiss my boyfriend smack dab on the lips, and like I would expect from my boyfriend he moves back just as fast as the kiss comes in. Normally someone even attempting to kiss my boyfriend would have my blood bubbling. I might look calm and rational on the out side but in side I am kicking the crap out of the guy. This time though when he leaned in to kiss my boyfriend I felt on the inside just as I looked on the outside, Calm. I think that I am finally just in a relationship where I can be comfortable and most of all trusting. I think my boyfriend is amazing and I truly believe that he would never do anything to hurt me like that.

It really feels good to have found something so great in this life.